(Rant Warning) And the Number One Reason is....

The number one reason I want to get out of credit debt (including my student loan, which, because it's unsecured, count as credit debt)?

So I can move out of my parents' house.

In that, I gotta say I'm kinda jealous of my older brother. Not only does he actually have a significant other (read as, his wife; I'm still single, and haven't had a date in ~10 years), but because he has two incomes, even though he has student loans larger than my own, he moved out of our parent's home... Oh, I'd say three years ago. He lives in an apartment in our sister city, about ½-hour away from here.

Which means he doesn't have to listen to Dad. Dad, yelling and swearing at the top of his voice because his computer won't work for some reason. Dad, yelling and swearing because he's having trouble with a power tool in his workshop. Dad, yelling and swearing slightly quieter (because he doesn't want you to hear him calling you a (female dog) or an (f-ing) person (and failing miserably at the not-wanting-you-to-hear part)) because - gosh! - he has to heat up his own can of soup, which he doesn't want to do despite knowing how because the other person in the house (be it his wife or his daughter) is busy doing something, so - oh noes! - he has to put his computer game on pause and do it himself. Dad, yelling and swearing at the top of his volume because someone filled a bowl with water to let it soak in the sink from the pancake batter, and he decided to load the dishwasher before we could get to it, and he just - has - to let everyone know, at the top of his lungs, that he doesn't like having to empty f-ing water into the f-ing sink because the stupid f-ing people he lives with are incompetent. Dad, yelling and swearing because he can't find a cheese slicer, or can't find the ice-cream scoops, or he doesn't like the kind of spoon you gave him with dinner. Dad, yelling and swearing because you just told him supper is ready, and he's started a project despite your just telling him that supper would be ready in five minutes. Dad, yelling and swearing because you just interrupted him to tell him you are going to take a shower or a bath, and does he need to get in there first, since we've only the one bathroom?

Do you know, my older brother dislocated his shoulder by slamming a door because he was so angry at what Dad did or said to him one evening? I wasn't home at the time. That was part of the catalyst that prompted him to move into an apartment with his girlfriend (now wife), despite not really knowing her all that well at the time (I think they'd been going out for about 3-4 months, if that).

Given that he worked in machine shops most of his life, Dad doesn't know how loud he is. (It's the general opinion of myself and Mom that our next-door neighbor, after her divorce, took her 12-year-old son and moved out to CA not only because she has friends out there, but because she was tired of hearing Dad swear. We do not see the neighbors on either side of the house with any regularity; now that the couple to the North have a baby, it's even less frequently, and we try to keep him inside and quiet when our neighbors two houses to the North are outside with their daughters.) On the plus side, since he had new windows installed in his area in the basement, unless he has them open, his voice doesn't carry outside as much as it did (you can still hear him, though).

Quite frankly, he is past getting on my nerves. I tolerate it. I don't like it, and I really wish I didn't have to, but I tolerate it. I am, however, to the point that, on the days that I'm home from work, I hope he stays upstairs and quiet, either reading, playing a game (at which he'll swear when he dies), or napping. In a way, I'm like a young mother with a baby in the house: when the kid is down for his nap or playing quietly, I'm fine. The moment he's not, I get massive headaches. I suppose I could therefore consider this basic training for when I do finally have kids, though - if I have to put up with this from him, I think putting up with a child might turn out to be a walk in the park. O_o On the other hand, children have higher pitch and aren't -quite- so loud (trust me, they're not), I'd like to think children don't swear like he does, a child would be yelling/crying for other reasons, and children are not borderline senile/showing signs of brain-rot disease.

Knowing this does not help my headache, however, nor does it help my own throat. Why my throat? Well, Dad is loud enough that he'll say something, and you think he's in the hallway or in the doorway when he's really in the kitchen. So I say something, thinking he's in the hall, and he just asks his question again. I wind up shouting at him, still thinking he's in the hall, and he still can't hear me, because, well, he's at home, so he doesn't need to wear his hearing aid. And he can't just go to where someone is in the house, he has to holler his questions of "what is this?" and "where does this go?" from four rooms away, and expect you to either come running, be able to see what he's talking about, or be loud enough that he can hear you from four rooms away.

What this basically equates to is verbal abuse. Psychological abuse, also. I went for quite a number of years on up into high school cringing and wanting to hide anytime someone in authority raised their voice to what I consider a yell, even if it wasn't directed at me. I did not take any after-school electives in high school, because I dreaded my Dad throwing a fit, yelling and swearing, about even the barest possibility of having to pick me up after school. And my hearing damage? I'm not sure whether it's from Dad yelling, or my having my stereo on loud enough to *try* drowning out his yelling (I am getting much better at lowering the volume, in an effort to keep it from getting worse).

And no, he won't go to a psychologist. Quite frankly, we don't want him to go to one anyway. Because a psychologist is what started him down this path in the first place. Way, way back before I was born, Dad did see a psychologist. Who told him, "it's okay to yell and swear, so long as you don't hit anyone." Well hey, great! Thanks a lot, guy! You had him trade physical and psychological abuse for verbal and psychological abuse. Yeah, we're being tortured, but at least it's not leaving marks! :D Yeah, I am *so* glad said psychologist is no longer practicing. 9.9 I understand he was fired and lost his license, actually. :j Thank the Gods for that.

My current reaction to how he acts is basically to stay out of his way. Before, when I got upset at him, I would go shopping. That was my therapy, and it got me away from him for a few hours. During college, this was also dealt with by going in to the jewelry lab at school and getting to work on projects early (and also shopping for said project's components before school). This is also, unfortunately, where the debt issues started in the first place. These days, I try relaxation and meditation techniques, which works fairly well. There are, or course, other coping tools (such as this blog). And speaking of "other coping tools," I'm going to go take a couple of aspirin.