Of Valentine's Day and Boyfriends Past.

Well, another Valentine's Day has come and gone. Now that it's over, hopefully my depression will recede a bit. I actually felt a bit like Charlie Brown (from Peanuts) usually does at this time of year - "I know no-one likes me [romantically] - does there have to be a holiday to rub it in?"

I have been without a boyfriend now for... about nine years, I think. I have had one steady boyfriend in my life, during college, and I'm not entirely certain I could really call him a ""steady" boyfriend, considering all the times we broke up and got back together. He was the first guy who ever asked me out, though, so maybe I cut him more slack than I should have.

Let's see... How many excuses did he come up with to break up.
-My older brother wasn't protesting the relationship enough.
-I didn't care about my appearance enough (this one came after he'd seen me around campus wearing my optivisor, which I'd become so used to wearing that I'd forget it was on when the lenses weren't down).
-I was too stupid for him (and the only reason I didn't slap him and get out of his car after that one is because the light we were at turned green).
-I'm not "his type" (which is to say, I'm blond-ish and he likes black hair, and I'm white instead of Japanese).
-I was "too nice."
-I'm too tall (read again, not a cute little Japanese girl).

Then there was the last time he broke up with me - he just called and told me he wanted to break things off, as they weren't going anywhere (which isn't a shock, he'd spent more time with his guy-friends than with me, then went to Japan for a few semesters). Around a week before his birthday, which was just oh-so-nice of him. Because his birthday is February 11. Which means he broke up with me not-quite two weeks before Valentine's Day. (The last time he'd given me a Valentine's Day gift was for the year we started dating - 1999, I think. He gave me a large stuffed puppet frog and was holding it with a rose in it's mouth, then took me out for dinner. I'd have been happy with a tulip and a regular sized-chocolate bar, along with some time together; I told him this. Since then were were usually broken up for the months around Valentine's Day.) After Valentine's Day, the group of us (we were in the same DnD group at the time) got together, partially to hang out and watch Anime and partially to celebrate his birthday, and his best friend at the time (who had been actively trying to break us up by monopolizing said ex-boyfriend's time (which I'd say he succeeded at), since he didn't have a girlfriend) casually glanced at me then asked him how he was doing. Well, he was great! He'd been the most wonderfully stress-free for the last two weeks, it was awesome.

It took a lot of effort to not cobber him with a pillow. -.-'

And those were just the reasons I remember.

Now, he did have some basis for considering me stupid - he's a computing major. I know very little about programing and upkeep on computers, having majored in Jewelry Manufacture and Repair; there really wasn't any reason for me to take a course on how computers work beyond the basics. Certainly no reason for me to know programming languages. I had no need to know what kernels and binary and all that crap was. I certainly wasn't as bad as some people, though - I knew the CD-ROM tray in a computer was not a coffee holder, for example. I knew how to turn the things on, I used word processors and played some games on them. My first computer I ever used was an Apple II+ that we played games on, complete with a 5x5 floppy drive, when I was a kid. I still have the disks, actually; just no computer to run them on, as Dad got rid of it. I just had no interest in finding out how they function beyond knowing their basic components (hard drive, motherboard, CPU, drivers, etc.). Because of this, he considers me stupid.

He did try to get back together with me a few years ago, actually, via IM. I reminded him that I wasn't his type and he'd be better off trying to find some Asian girl. He agreed with me, then went to take more semesters in Japan. That really should tell me something about his own intelligence, I think. :/

Don't get me wrong, there have been people who have asked me out; no dates came from them, though, much less a relationship. One guy asked me out at work, while I was still in college, and I actually gave him my cell phone number. Which he called at midnight, drunk as a skunk, and left a message asking me what I was doing. The next time he called me was a few months later, and he refused to tell me why he wound up in jail for a bit. Needless to say, I didn't call him back. Changed my phone number, actually (bought a new phone, so~). Aside from that, there was the new coworker who asked me out - he was baby-faced, looked maybe twenty and claimed to be in his mid-forties. Yeah, someone in her mid-twenties really wants to date a forty-something that looks younger than her. Uh-huh.

Aside from that, there's the usual lot of guys who flirt with you on the job, but all of them have been in the 40-60 age range. Or the kind that's obviously wanting you between their sheets, and I've no interest in that. It's rather a turn-off, actually. I don't want a one-night stand, I want a relationship! Is that really so much to ask?

Apparently, yes. :/